There’s nothing wrong with going topless on a beach when you’re older. Just know that some men like looking at boobs and whatnot – for whatever reason – and when you go topless, it’s likely that they will stop listening to what you have to say so they can focus on your toplessness.

This compulsion is not because we’re simple or stupid. I don’t know what it’s all about, I just know that it happens. 

Some men will think that your going topless is a form of peacocking for them and them alone, but don't let that stop you. If you want to do it and it's safe to do it, the ball is in your court. 

Maybe 60 thousand years ago some man was born with a real love of boobs – like he really
felt it, you know? And he passed that love down to his sons. And because his sons were born with a preternatural love of the female form – and that love was tied to sexual impulses – they were more productive than their pals who just wanted to stay home and, I don't know, watch baseball. Ergo – some men really love to look at boobs. 

Keep in mind that this is an unsubstantiated hypothesis and very real oversimplification. This doesn't explain why some men still love watching baseball. Some men love both - ogling boobs and watching baseball. It's a big world. There's room for everyone. 

This could be a sensitive topic. But it's a topic, and you need to learn about topics, sensitive or not. Right now you and I are sitting in the car in Brooklyn, waiting for your mother to get groceries. It's raining. You're clapping your hands and singing "Water! Water! Bus! Mama!"

These are the topics you're into now. I love you so terribly. Men are just awful.  

How else to explain it, except by natural selection? These things you will have are simply sacs of fat and flesh. Obviously, they have a higher literal and metaphorical meaning (feeding the world, etc), but do men on the beach think,
That woman is topless, and her breasts nourish children and, metaphorically, feed the world. I should really stare at them!

No. They just stare at them, often with their tongues hanging out of their mouths, panting like cartoon animals.

Anyway, go topless or don’t. I advise caution in all things. This, too. I love you no matter what.

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

Leave a Reply.